There is nothing like moving air with loud amps in a small room. Technology has made it almost too easy to make music by yourself at your computers (or, if you’re a one-man black metal band- using your boombox and the cheapest mic at Wal-mart.) The pandemic has made it nearly impossible to get into a room with two or three other people, crank the amps higher than you dare at home, and realize that everyone learned a different version of the cover you agreed on.

But how do you find people to play with? Put an ad in a newspaper or magazine? Yeah, ok Grandpa. Maybe you can include your MySpace page or write out a link to an Angelfire site. You could exchange cassette tapes. *checks notes* Oh, that’s a thing again? Why? *checks notes again* Because terrible sound quality and outdated technology makes it somehow neat? Right, great. Why not?

No, you go where everyone goes- Craigslist -> Community -> Musicians.

And thus the search begins.

As bass players we have a leg up on our six-stringed brethren. No one needs a guitar player. Everyone is already a guitar player. So you rarely see a listing for another guitar player. If there’s one thing guitar players are known for, it’s sharing the guitar-playing spotlight. There aren’t many “Bass player looking for a band” listings on there because bass players get snapped up quick. We’re rare. There also aren’t many “Drummer looking for a band” listings either, but that’s because drummers don’t know how the internet works. And we lost the one drummer that knew how to write last year.

So what kind of listings do we end up looking at? Since we are so in demand, we should have the pick of the litter and it should be easy to hook up with two or three other people to make beautiful music with. Shouldn’t it?

Well…let’s take a look at what we’re working with here.

Right. Ok, so this one start out fine. You’ve been playing forever, but you’ve been out of the game for ten years. But you’re also playing in smaller projects. That’s a little confusing and sounds like you’re acting like getting together once every few months in someone’s garage counts as being in the game. But, as you can tell from the highlight, my favorite part is the “don’t talk politics or religion” and “if you attended recent protests keep scrolling.” Those seem to send two different messages too, my friend. Are they not welcome or are just those ones not welcome? But let’s leave that aside because it does tell you one thing- the dude who posted it is totally cool with dictating what you will and won’t talk about at practice. And that’s just in his listing. Can’t wait to email him and find out what else I’m not allowed to do. Maybe he’ll pick out my stage outfit and write my parts too.

Moving on…I love this one.

I have only one question for this drummer- How on Earth can he play with balls this big? Don’t they get in the way when he’s trying to use the kick drum he doesn’t have? Doesn’t he accidentally hit them when going for the snare on a sick fill? I want to be in your band, I can try out any time, all I need is A DRUM KIT. That, he clarifies, you had better help him carry when he propels you into a touring band. But he won’t even buy his own gear until the band develops into something good! My personal favorite Bill Ward parts are when he plays the air. I feel like my understanding of “the fine print” and his are very different. Also, and this is a very very last also- what is wrong with metal that came out after 1984? We’re talking Ride the Lightning, Powerslave, Don’t Break the Oath, At War With Satan, March of the Saint. Yeah, I hated that year where a bunch of metal bands hit their stride too.

Do you think this guy expected someone to respond to this? Do you think if I clicked over to the personals he’d have another listing. “Nice Guy who could be totally jacked (if you deserved a jacked boyfriend) looking for lucky hottie. Fine print- Must be blonde between 5’3” and 5’5”, weigh 95lbs, work out, cook well, be gainfully employed, have a car, and be willing to let me sleep over because my mom is kicking me out because I’ve been rocking my drums too loud.”

I should have emailed this guy. Just to see, you know?

Another underrated genre in the Musicians section of Craigslist are the people who treat it like a message board and pick fights. Like, I’m not above the occasional poke at a pompous ass on Twitter, but Craigslist? Really?

This, by the way, has been going on for weeks. The pandemic is even driving Ween fans crazy.

Another wonderful type of Craigslist band listing is the Big Rock Band from [City You’re Not In] who seem to be advertising on every Craigslist across the country looking for a “blues and jazz-influenced rock guitar player with EVH/Vai lead skills and Slash/Dime look who can move to Chicago for tour NOW.”

There are also the listings that are in good faith but it’s immediately clear that I’d graduated college before the kid posting it was born. Nothing against The Youths, some of my best friends are Youths. But I shouldn’t be in a band with one. Luckily they always list their influences and it’s a collection of words that mean absolutely nothing to me and prove that I’m actually an old man because I just stare at my phone trying to figure out if these are real band names or not. You’re influenced by who? Imarriedabearonce? Bring Me That Lonely Sunrise? My Band’s Name Is A Full Sentence Including Punctuation And Won’t Fit On a T-shirt?* Mudwumpusmanthing? Man, when I was a teenager bands had cool names like Korn and Limp Bizkit and Alien Ant Farm and- ok you know what, that doesn’t matter. The point is I don’t know who any of these people are and you’re making me feel old, kid.

But my favorite type of listing, the kind I get sucked into clicking on all the time, are the ones that look like this-

“Sweet!” I think. “Perfect,” I think, “I am bass player. That’s just like being a musician. This…this is the link. Finally I’ve found some normal people to play with.” Then the thought will creep it, as my finger hovers over the link, waiting to click. “Wait…we’ve been down this road before, haven’t we? I don’t think this is for a band band. I think this is for…”click

Gah, I knew it! It’s another church band! Always with the same pitch. “We’re a church, but like a cool church. Not some lame-o church. We’ve got rock and roll guitars. We know what The Kids want.” Nothing against church, if that’s your thing. But come on, this is a little

These examples are all, of course, extremes and cherry picked for their point-making and comedic value. The majority of listings on Craigslist are good and earnest and are posted by people who just want to play. Those should be specific. I’m glad you put in your listing that you’re looking for a bass player to do country covers, especially from Brooks and Dunn’s “dark period”, whatever that means. I should not email you, but at least you were specific and not so far up your own ass you’re getting a degree in dentistry. No demands, no outlandish claims (come on, you’re Kenny Wayne Shepard reincarnated? I don’t even think that dude is dead), no ridiculous requirements. You want to play music, you need a bass player and a drummer, and this is the kind of music you want to play. Boom, simple, to the point, and links are good. Mostly. Please check your links. And if it’s a video of a band playing live, I know the sound quality will be bad and that’s fine, but could you at least note who you are in the video so I’m not impressed with the lead guitar player only to find out you were the other guitar player hiding next to the drum riser.

I miss being in a band and I wander through these listings all the time. I don’t know when it’ll feel safe to play with other people, but as soon as it does I’ll be putting up my own listing. “Bass player looking to play metal and hail Satan- I’m fully employed, we aren’t going on tour, let’s have some fun and play loud, and play local.”

Do you have any favorite Craigslist listings to share? Throw them in the comments.

*MBNIAFSIPAWFOAT sucked as soon as they got signed anyway. Totally sold out.

Doug Robertson is the editor of The Bass Blog, the blog component of The Bass Channel, your one stop YouTube channel for all things bass. His number one is a Mexican Geddy Lee Signature Jazz and his boomer is a BEAD tuned T-Bird. Find books by Doug here. If you’re interested in contributing to The Bass Blog please reach out to Doug at doug@thebasschannel.net. We would love to hear from you.