Buying a New Bass in Seven Easy Steps

There’s nothing like the feeling of a new-to-you bass. The excitement of getting it set up and finding out just how much more awesome you’re going to sound now that you’ve got The Bass For The Thing that you’ve been trying to get, the Thing that your other bass(es) just aren’t allowing you to get to. 

How does one go from deciding you want, no- need, a new bass to plugging it in? These are the steps.

Please remember that this list is exhaustively researched and exactly as full of factual statements as it needs to be.

Step One: The Realization

“Oh no,” you think to yourself. “I cannot play this song. This song I need to play. This song that will expand my musical journey and improve my technique. This song that fucking rocks. I require a New Bass.” It should be made clear here that the realization that you need a new bass is not a choice, it’s not a conscious decision. It comes from the muses themselves. You would, of course, be perfectly happy to use your current bass(es) for all your musical needs. But the muse demands that you paint with a wider tonal brush. And thus, The Search begins.

Step Two: The Search Begins- Choose Your Weapon

Now that you’ve had the realization that your musical journey demands another tool, you must determine what kind of tool is being called for. What tones are you being called to attack? Have you had a sudden case of The Jazz, and your current Fender just won’t do because that color bass doesn’t communicate what you’re trying to say? Were you stricken with The Old School, and you know that something along the lines of a T-Bird is exactly what you need? Has The Metal called to you and you realized that you don’t own a bass pointy enough to hail Satan with the fervor you feel? Did your band decide to tune down too far because the stupid guitar player just bought an eight string so now you’ve gotta get a five string before they go all Animals As Leaders on you? Did you realize you don’t own a red bass yet and red would probably look really freaking cool on stage (assuming we ever get to play a gig again)?

Step Three: The Search Continues- The Trials and/or The Browser of Many Tabs

A wise man once asked, “How many roads must a man walk down, before he gives up and uses a Maps app?” A wiser man asked, “How many basses must someone pull off the wall and play, then Google, then play, before he is able to make an informed choice?”

With the knowledge gained by the soul searching you undertook during the previous step you journey to, hopefully, your local independent music store to investigate their wares. This involves pulling every single thing off the wall even though you know you’re there for a badass pointy bass look how cool this headless Ibanez I can’t afford looks, man I didn’t think I liked the headless look but I could get behind this I think. You must play everything. Yes, the muses spoke to you. Yes, you decided on the exact type of weapon you would need to battle the forces of Improper Tone. Yes, you came here with a goal. But still, it couldn’t hurt to be sure you were right. I mean, maybe the muses don’t know what this bass can do and they need a little help. Muses can change their minds. Just because they’re divine doesn’t mean they’re always right.

Those who are unable to visit their local independent music store for various reasons including but not limited to The Great Stay Home of 2020 are forced to take the much more difficult route- Internet Shopping. If only there was a YouTube channel devoted to all things bass that had a ton of bass reviews. If only*. You, the lonely wanderer, must hack and slash your way through a briar patch of YouTube videos and written reviews, trying to figure out exactly what the bass of your desires sounds like. What the bass sounds like. Because yes, that tone in that video is awesome, but you and I both know there’s a Darkglass something in the chain, don’t try to fool me. Everyone knows that tone. 

Soon you begin to question whether the bass matters all that much. It seems like, with some variation, most of these players are getting a pretty wide variety of tones out of a wide variety of basses, pick-ups, bridges, and strings. For a moment you waver in your quest. “What if the answer is not another bass…” you wonder. It’s blaspheme but you can’t stop yourself. “What if the answer to the tone I seek is...practice?” A dark shadow passes over you before you regain your senses and think, “Or maybe a new pedal. Yeah, probably what I need is a new bass and a pedal.”

The search continues. More tabs. More articles. More videos. More reviews. You are a sponge and a sieve, taking it in, discarding contradicting information, and trying to parse what CliffIsGod69 on TalkBass is going on about when it comes to tonewood. Much like you’re the engine of your band you’ve also become a human search engine. Yes, you’ve already clicked that link twice today, but maybe there is something you missed. If only you researched this well in school you could have a real job like your big brother Bob.

Step Four: The Choicening

It has come down to two. All your noodling and googling has led you to this moment, this choice. You can feel the muses perched on your shoulder, watching you click back and forth between the final two instruments. The only two to make it through the intellectual and critical grinder your incisive mind subjected all the candidates to. The muses whisper in your ear, “Just pick one. It’s no big deal. It’s just another bass. It’s not like it makes that much difference anyway.” Sometimes the muses sound a lot like your mom.

This bass has better pick-ups. According to most websites anyway.

But that bass has a better bridge. It’s got “badass” in the name, that means it has to be good.

This bass was used in that awesome cover video where the guy played like seven Primus songs in a row. You could do that with this bass.

But you’re pretty sure Geezer Butler used that bass on a tour back in the Dio years. Who are you to argue with Geezer?

This bass is black.

But that bass is black and pointy.

I think your choice is clear.

Step Five: The Paymenting

Your finger hovers over the Complete Purchase button on Reverb. It trembles. You have doubts. But you’re already in love. It must be yours. It already is in your mind. If you don’t click the button now someone else might. Then some schmuck will own your bass. And he’ll put some dumbass strap on it and play terrible music on it through an awful amp. You hate him. You click the button with extra glee.

The guy at the local independent music store sighs to remind you that he’s still standing right next to you watching you buy the bass he just hung back up on the wall.**

Step Six: The Waitening (ok, I think that’s enough of that joke)

If you bought the bass at your local independent music store then the wait isn’t long. Merely the drive home. Then you get to find out how amazing your new instrument sounds plugged into the proper amp through the proper cable playing songs that you were too insecure to play in front of the nice store person. You crank up the music in the car so the bass can begin to absorb your energy. If someone else is driving you think about playing it in the car, but they complain about ridiculous things like “the head thing is in the way” and “seriously, you just knocked the rear view mirror out of alignment again.” They don’t understand The Music like you do. You only feel pity for them.

If you bought it online you have more time to stew. To practice on your Older, Lesser bass(es) the song that you will play perfectly the first time on the new bass. You already have it picked out. It’s the song that started you on this journey. You’ve been practicing it on the inferior bass(es) to be prepared for The Right Bass. It’s sounding pretty good on those basses too. Probably as good as any song you know. But that just means it’ll sound extra special on the new bass. 

This also gives you time to go back to your googling. There are no doubts, of course. Because the muses and whatnot. But still, probably safe to read those articles and watch those videos one or three more times. To prepare. You’re preparing. Not worried. It was the right bass. It’ll be great. Oh, and also you need a new strap that compliments the new bass, probably gonna end up with black leather but it never hurts to look, right? And a bag. And a stand. And strings. Can’t use stock strings, what are you, a pop punk bassist?

Maybe a sticker would look cool...

Step Seven: Love At First Root Note

It’s home. You’ve unboxed it, resisting the urge to make an unboxing video some people might watch but no one will enjoy because they know content-for-content’s-sake when they see it. It’s perfect. In the words of Spinal Tap, it’s “none more black” and that’s just what you wanted. You tune it up. Tuning doesn’t count as playing it. You run a quick riff or two just to check the feel. That doesn’t count as The First Play either. The first play is special. Tuning and stuff are just pre-first play things. They’re using the bass, not playing it.

You’re not going to play along to anything the first time. You want to hear it. Totally clean. You eschew all pedals, running straight into your rig. You want your first time to be special, with nothing between you and The Tone You’ve Been Dreaming Of.

You strike the first note.

It’s perfect.***

*You like that self-referential plug? Clever, right?

** Don’t be this guy. Buy local. Or at least don’t use their wifi to shop.

*** I mean the neck is a little wider than you wanted and the bass is kinda heavy but I’m sure you’ll get used to those things, it’s fine.

***

Doug Robertson is the editor of The Bass Blog, the blog component of The Bass Channel, your one stop YouTube channel for all things bass. His number one is a Mexican Geddy Lee Signature Jazz and his boomer is a BEAD tuned T-Bird. Find books by Doug here. If you’re interested in contributing to The Bass Blog please reach out to Doug at doug@thebasschannel.net. We would love to hear from you.